Should couples use sex toys together? & other questions!
Are there any sex life challenges that could be helped by adding in sex toys?
Yes, but sex toys are not a quick fix for the challenges that modern-day life poses to sexual wellbeing. Those challenges include misinformation about the spectrum and fluctuations of sex drives, and the sexual morality lens through which so many people learn about sex.
Solving those issues could include tailored, evidence-based sex education, and accessible primary healthcare services that prioritise sexual health. This would help to normalise sexuality while tackling the superficial hypersexualisation that is often displayed in media.
Sex toys can be very useful supports for people to get the most out of their sexual experiences, to explore what they like and dislike and to experience new types of physical and sexual pleasure.
It was only in the 1970s that the first medical-grade, silicone sex toy was created, by Gosnell Duncan, a mechanic from Grenada, following his own experience with paralysis and sexual dysfunction. This paved the way for the development of modern, safer sex toys that support people with physical disabilities, gender dysphoria, and illnesses and treatments that affect genital muscles.
For people of all demographics and abilities, safe sex toys are an important tool for accessing pleasure. Sex toys have been around in some form throughout much of human history. They have been helping people to access physical and sexual pleasure since pre-historic times - much longer than the modern cultural stigma that is often now attached to them!
Should couples use sex toys together?
Sex toys get a bad rap. Many of us learned the myth that using sex toys means that we are sexually 'promiscuous' or sexually immoral, or that our partners are not meeting any of our sexual needs.
Due to that cultural messaging and lack of relevant sex education, many people experience issues in introducing sex toys with their partners! Sometimes it can be challenging to bring up the topic with a partner if you haven't discussed or used toys before. Or it might be challenging to see the benefits that sex toys can bring when you're feeling fearful that it means something negative about your relationship or sexual skills.
It can be hard to shift your mindset towards viewing sex toys as an enjoyable, fun addition to sexual (shared and solo) experiences. Its also important to remember that any particular toy could be enjoyable for one person and unenjoyable for another. It's not a 'one size fits all' solution, and while toys can certainly help people to learn more about what they like, it may take some trial and error to figure out what works best for each person and each body.
What should people keep in mind when buying sex toys the first time?
It's important to only use toys that are 'bodysafe' i.e. made from materials that are safe for skin and for internal use. This can require a bit of research, particularly in the context of the lack of international regulation on sex toys. However there are some conscientious sex toy providers (such as Sex Siopa in Ireland) who do that research and label their bodysafe toys appropriately.
When buying and using sex toys for the first time, start with something that's straightforward to use (i.e. not something with complex settings or multiple parts) and something that's visually appealing to you. You also have to consider if you are seeking a particular physical experience, as different toys will target different areas and sensations. Cost is also a deciding factor, and its important to ensure that if you're buying a low-cost toy that it's still bodysafe and reasonable quality.
Many toys will have online customer reviews which can support people in deciding. If you're in a brick and mortar shop or an independent sex toy website, you may find a helpful staff member to provide you with specific advice!
Sex educator Smut Buttons also has a handy guide for first time sex toy buyers: https://www.smutbuttons.com/guides/first-toy
